In day of un-paralleled drama, Jeff Dotts and Erin Albers brought home the bacon, by winning their Flitch trial in Great Dunmow yesterday.
After appearing on BBC Radio 4 and then BBC Radio Essex, by the time most people have just started to enjoy their morning coffee, Team Dotts-Albers had to wait four nerve racking hours, before being paraded through the town behind a Flitch, carried by a team of local hunks, dressed as farm Yokels of yore.
Once on stage, the charming love-birds from Nashville (or ‘Nashers’ as the locals call it) wooed and wowed the audience of 600 people, and more importantly the jury of six maidens and six bachelors with their love, quick witt and self-depreciating humour.
Ably represented by thier Counsel, Chris Hancock, Team Dotts-Albers recounted their initial meeting and courtship, their passion for working with children and their subsequent wedding and happy married life.
Dave Monk, one-time Queens Counsel, and now radio personality did his best to call their love into question and de-rail their route towards a pork future. However, each of his questions was hit, ‘home-run’ style by first one, and then the other member of Team Dotts-Albers and soon it was time for the jury to retire.
But before they did, Flitch Trial Judge, Michael Chapman, allowed Jeff to take out his guitar, and sing his true-love, Erin, his very own Flitch song.
There was hardly a dry eye in the house, but as the jury left, all were aware of their fickle reputation and a habit for refusing the bacon, to seemingly deserving couples.
Local Vicar, The Reverend David Ainge, was one of many locals to congratulate Team Dotts-Albers while the jury was deliberating, and commented: ‘If the Jury don’t come back in your favour, I fear a riot.’ Looking out across the crowd of grey-haired retirees and the middle aged parents of young families, one can only imagine the mayhem that might have ensued.
As the jury returned to give their verdict, a hush enveloped the marquee, and all that could be heard was the muffled results of the tombola being announced on the PA at the Town Fete half a mile away.
The foreman was asked whether the claimants, or the owners of the bacon had won. His answer, after a dramatic, and quite frankly, un-necessary drink of water, was that the claimants had won.
The crowd, as they say, went ‘doo-lally.’
A short time later, Jeff and Erin were lofted high on chairs, and carried through the town. As Erin waved her Union flag, this reporter can confirm chants of ‘USA… USA…’ rang around Great Dunmow and hordes of cheering yokels formed themslves into tight-knit teams of close-harmony singers and sang, at the top of their booming voices, the ‘Battle hymn of the Republic.’
Once in the market square, Jeff and Erin knelt on pointed stone, and swore the Flitch Oath. The Yokels tossed their hats in the air, the Town Cryer rang his bell and the scene was one of utter joy. Except, unfortunately, for the couple tried immediately after Jeff and Erin, who despite 40 years of happy marriage were only rewarded for their efforts with a small ham.
A full report to follow……
